06:04 <Rurik> Finally depression under control and I'm feeling a lot more comfortable with code now

06:05 <Rurik> 2016 is shaping up to be a great year

07:54 <pikajude> rip in peace

07:54 <pikajude> good job Rurik

07:54 <pikajude> i on the other hand had a deeply disturbing conversation with my girlfriend

09:30 <Rurik> pikajude, like what?

09:30 <pikajude> ?

09:36 <Rurik> <pikajude> i on the other hand had a deeply disturbing conversation with my girlfriend

09:36 <pikajude> oh yeah

09:37 <pikajude> i don't really remember it now but she was mostly complaining about dealing with me on a day to day basis

09:41 <pikajude> i generally find it difficult to organize such conversations in my mind

09:41 <pikajude> but the gist of it was that my depression and personality defects are really problematic for her

09:55 <prophile> why does depression have such prevalence in programmers?

09:57 <pikajude> and personality defects!

10:04 <Rurik> It could be that depressed people choose computers as a profession more often

10:04 <pikajude> they are easier than people, except when debugging race conditions.

10:05 <pikajude> To be fair, politicians also have to debug race conditions

10:05 <pikajude> and sociologists

22:20 <pikajude> damn, i just tabbed back into this channel and read what I said about last night

22:20 <pikajude> that was still so fucked up

22:27 <ec> pikajude: to be fair, that's not unusual. That happens with that, my relationships as well. It's basically what lost me Chelsea. I think it's an opportunity for personal growth? I would take her commentary to heart, instead of being angry about it?

22:27 <pikajude> yeah, everybody tells me that

22:27 <pikajude> i'll just stop being depressed, i think that's the solution

22:28 <pikajude> or I might undergo experimental gene therapy so I only need 2 hours of sleep per night

22:30 <pikajude> idk while i see what you're saying ec her two complaints were that i don't enjoy things enough and that I'm too tired to talk at night

22:30 <pikajude> and since i'm depressed and it's her fault i usually don't get to bed until 2 AM, I'm not going to take this as an opportunity for self-improvement

22:30 <pikajude> but rather, an opportunity to tell someone to fuck off

22:31 <pikajude> although I will take the opportunity to be more assertive

22:32 <pikajude> does that make me a bad person? yes, it does

22:32 <pikajude> but maybe i shouldn't be in a relationship

23:15 <ec> pikajude: no, not re: stop being depressed

23:15 <ec> pikajude: depression (broken-chemical) or unhappiness / unfulfilment / fear / loss (healthy-chemical) feelings are *separate* from You (Me) Being Not Perfect.

23:16 <ec> does make sense?

23:16 <ec> can simultaneously diagnose, attempt-fix things about yourself, both for (current/future)-partner's-sake *and* your-own-sake (in retaining, feeling good-for, current or future partners),

23:16 <ec> without pretending it's gonna make the goddman slightest dent in chemical depression or even things-literally-just-being-bad-right-now

23:16 <ec> wow that was a lot of combined words

23:19 <ec> woah cool new irccloud feature

23:19 <ec> “that i don't enjoy things enough and that I'm too tired to talk at night”

23:19 <ec> so, those are much less actionable / you're-at-fault than some of the things I'm dealing with … like, so I'm totally with you

23:20 <ec> but I think my advice can still be of *some* use: sure, maybe you're not up for it, or don't care enough, but I would point out that it's totally possible to fake some level of enjoyment and happiness that you don't feel, for their sake; and to work out solutions w.r.t. different times to talk and engage and spend time together that *aren't* when you're

23:20 <ec> fucking exhausted and done w/ life and everything involved blahblahblah

23:21 <ec> that said: yeah, that's really not on you. if you *choose* to do those things, it's cause you're nice. sounds like she's being shitty and unsupportive of your mental health. -_-

23:22 <pikajude> ec: i agree that i have a lot of opportunities for self-improvement with her

23:22 <pikajude> i just disagree that the things she complained about are that

23:22 <ec> don't think it's disagreement, think I agree 100%.

23:23 <ec> I'm replying from a space of ‘Positive, constructive criticism is better than commiseration’, y'know?

23:23 <ec> comiseration feels good, validation that you're in the right; but Doing Something, even if you're in the wrong, probably feels way better. and I like you and want you to feel better. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

23:24 <pikajude> i haven't ever received commiseration/validation about this so i couldn't say