ChanServ changed the topic of #elliottcable to: drugs
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<gq>
i just want everyone to know that ELLIOTTCABLE__ has a little sister apparently?
<gq>
and also: wat.
<alexgordon>
hi gq!
<gq>
hi alexgordon!
<alexgordon>
gq: holy shit, ELLIOTTCABLE__ has a little sister?
<gq>
alexgordon: yes
<alexgordon>
I was sure he was an only child
<gq>
alexgordon: so was i, and we dated
<alexgordon>
HAHA
<gq>
now i'm concerned on multiple levels
<gq>
mostly by the image of a tiny female elliot running around
<alexgordon>
how little is this sister?
<devyn>
hahahahahahaha what
<alexgordon>
^ you dated elliott?!
<devyn>
yes, I knew that alexgordon
<alexgordon>
I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 2008 HOW DO I NOT KNOW THESE THINGS
<devyn>
so have I
<devyn>
try harder
<alexgordon>
2009 maybe
<gq>
alexgordon: i thought this was public knowledge already
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
s/dated/sexted/
<alexgordon>
hi ELLIOTTCABLE__
<alexgordon>
gq: nope
<alexgordon>
gq: what else don't I know?
<gq>
it was a very short lived long distance internet relationship
<gq>
probably would have been longer but i was having a psychotic break and prone to fits of irrational rage
<alexgordon>
as opposed to a short distance internet relationship?
<gq>
alexgordon: yeah the terminology got away from me
<alexgordon>
ah the old "it's not you, it's my psychotic break"
<whitequark>
alexgordon: even I knew that
<alexgordon>
whitequark: !
<gq>
but idk alaska is so balls-ass far away from everything that it feels like it needed the extra qualifier
<alexgordon>
gq: balls and ass are actually quite close together
<devyn>
hahahaha
<gq>
alexgordon: not after i'm done with them
<whitequark>
alexgordon: well short distance internet relationship is totally possible
<alexgordon>
gq: wat.
<purr>
beep.
<gq>
alexgordon: idk
<alexgordon>
wait
<alexgordon>
that won't make sense out of context
<gq>
it might be a good time to mention i'm drinking
<devyn>
yeah needs context :S
* alexgordon
gets gq internet-drunk
<alexgordon>
gq: TELL ME MORE
<gq>
alexgordon: uhhh. i was rebounding off elliott after breaking up with my first boyfriend who raped me? i actually was more attracted to elliott's roommate christian initially but christian had a life and was therefore gone a lot more
<alexgordon>
...
<alexgordon>
wait, ELLIOTTCABLE__ said you sexted
<alexgordon>
does that mean you've seen elliott's wobbly bits?
<whitequark>
hahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA
<whitequark>
WOBBLY BITS
<whitequark>
alexgordon: wat.
<purr>
beep.
<whitequark>
*sob*
<whitequark>
I'm almost crying right now
<alexgordon>
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: make a russian smile
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<alexgordon>
gq: elliott's gone, you can tell me now!
<gq>
elliott was on chat 24/7 and thus a much easier target for my random spurs of I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE NOW, RIGHT NOW
<gq>
i'm pretty sure you do but as long as we're having a What Does Alexgordon Know sitdown i should probably check
<gq>
alexgordon: i have not seen wobbly bits! but i can tell you ec is pretty great at sexting/cybering
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<alexgordon>
ha
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<alexgordon>
SURELY not as good as me
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<gq>
alexgordon: mostly i got a lot of pix of him grinning his head off with crazy undereye circles b/c crazy elliott lack of sleep ness
<gq>
alexgordon: idk, i'd need a basis of comparison~
<gq>
sadly i deleted the logs of said chats during one of said psychotic breaks fits of rage, so i can't share select quotes for #elliottcable's amusement
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<alexgordon>
and so that's how ELLIOTTCABLE__ ejaculated all over it? interesting.
<gq>
heh
<alexgordon>
good story, gq
<gq>
alexgordon: at the time he was also apparently covering himself in honey in lieu of showering? idk
<alexgordon>
ah, "honey"
<gq>
actually now that i think about it the timing of all this is so weird
<gq>
i know he and i had a thing
<whitequark>
gq: nooooooo stop
<gq>
i know he gave me some advice/help with rebounding with another dude IRL
<whitequark>
you're now going to regret everything
<whitequark>
for weeks
<alexgordon>
ow ow ow ow ow ow
<gq>
so i'm not sure if that was before/after
<alexgordon>
hurt my neck
<alexgordon>
FUCK
<gq>
whitequark: dude i've said all this shit before lol
<purr>
lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
ahhh, the infamous honey incident
* whitequark
waves his hand
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
also, Christian
<whitequark>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: lol
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
I hear you said my name while sexting him and he got pissed.
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
HOW DO YOU EVEN FUCK THAT UP OVER TEXT.
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: AHAHA i forgot about that
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
I've genuinely always wondered.
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: yeah he'd said something that pissed me off
<yorick>
someone mentioned cybering?
<alexgordon>
yorick: nice tits
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
sounds like christian
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: so the idea was for me to cyber him and get him to say something idiotic in the heat of the moment and i'd idk post it to facebook or something
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
… and that was the time we discovered that yorick has hilights set for “sext.”
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: and then i just completely ballsed that up
<yorick>
alexgordon: yeah but they would have been better if the rest of me was female :P
<alexgordon>
yorick: that can be arranged *shiftyeyes*
<gq>
yorick: never underestmate the power of tits + dick ;P
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: it was just my chat monitor I swear
<yorick>
gq: yes, I suppose there's manboob porn with the guys having wigs and all
<gq>
it's odd trying to call back these memories because so much of it's all fragmented
<alexgordon>
memories of manboob porn?
<whitequark>
yorick: "yeah but they would have been better if the rest of me was female :P" wat.
<whitequark>
gq: you made me go back and look at it again
<whitequark>
I hate you
<gq>
whitequark: you're welcome
<whitequark>
gq: I will strap you to my CNC
<whitequark>
and, um
<whitequark>
hm
<whitequark>
I wonder what to do next
<gq>
whitequark: ...go on...
<whitequark>
then load a pen in its collet and draw a fucking amazing washable tattoo on your chest
<whitequark>
for example
<gq>
cool
<whitequark>
no, that's actually awesome AND presents an engineering challenge to solve
<whitequark>
need something worse
<whitequark>
okay I don't want to list cruel suggestions for some reason
* whitequark
shrugs
<purr>
¯\(º_o)/¯
<gq>
heh
<whitequark>
also, the pen thing is actually cruel
<whitequark>
I mean
<whitequark>
my CNC has a Z range of 5cm
<whitequark>
I would have to slice you first
<yorick>
"sadly i deleted the logs of said chats during one of said psychotic breaks fits of rage" <-- it would be excessively hard to delete stuff for me, like it would require deleting weeks of backups from three separate drives
* whitequark
sighs
<whitequark>
okay let's try electroplating
<whitequark>
do any of you have five years of experience with copper electroplating
<whitequark>
gq: you for example, do you?
<gq>
whitequark: nope!
<whitequark>
gq: you're fired!
<gq>
awww.
<whitequark>
*takes a phone* security, make sure that person leaves their workplace in no more than 30 minutes
<whitequark>
*glare*
<whitequark>
*silently turns around and walks away*
<gq>
*cries quietly while cleaning out desk*\
* whitequark
feels bad now :(
<whitequark>
sorry
<whitequark>
I'm a horrible person
<yorick>
whitequark: I know php and frontpage 1998!
<yorick>
(and also sane modern things, don't worry)
<whitequark>
anyway, well, I need to make an electroplating bath
<whitequark>
for that I need to measure exactly 0.04-0.07g of NaCl
<yorick>
whitequark: have you tried Microsoft Access?
<yorick>
whitequark: what tools do you have for it?
* whitequark
is hung on the Access question
<whitequark>
I'm trying to find a funny reply
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
Literally, nobody.
<whitequark>
but nothing is funny if your life includes Access
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
it's like, 0ºF outside, walking is out
<whitequark>
(sorry, a joke none of you can yet understand)
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
rough sex isn't available to me, again, part of the whole mess causing the stress,
<ELLIOTTCABLE__>
working out, lolwat
<purr>
lolwat
<gq>
what i'm getting from this is you have a dead exgirlfrined in your bathtub and she smashed your entire liquor collection, ELLIOTTCABLE__. y/n?
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: like, you know, working out to the point that you're too tired to be stressed, basically.
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: his advice: lie face down on the wall and feel the gravity on every part of your body
<whitequark>
ELLIOTTCABLE__: I usually download several dozen seasons of some anime and watch it until I literally drop down sleeping
<alexgordon>
did someone mention sex?
<whitequark>
repeat on as many days as needed
<gq>
alexgordon: i did indeed
<alexgordon>
gq: oh you did. should have known
<whitequark>
weeks, months.
<whitequark>
*shrug*
<gq>
also i'm guessing the dead exgirlfriend in the bathtub seriously maimed ELLIOTTCABLE__'s dick
<purr>
¯\(º_o)/¯
<gq>
hence sex being a thing also stressing you out.
<alexgordon>
-rhombus
<yorick>
gq: wait what
ELLIOTTCABLE__ is now known as ELLIOTTCABLE
<gq>
yorick: he said the thing that was stressing him out was related to baths, drinking, and sex.
<gq>
yorick: so i'm postulating there's a dead exgirlfriend in his bathtub who smashed all his liquor collection and maimed his dick, thus affecting all those things.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
nah
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
not getting into the whole fucking escapade of the last two nights
<alexgordon>
-cock
<purr>
alexgordon: cock → elliottcable
<gq>
well i know what MY headcanon is.
* gq
smug
<alexgordon>
-penis
<alexgordon>
-rhombus
<alexgordon>
I know it's in there somewhere
<gq>
-vagina
<gq>
-cunt
<purr>
gq: try -stop, you fucking australian
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but part of it, long story short … have an ex in town. An old, old friend. I *need* a friend right now, really bad. Just, a goddamn, friend, to be close to. Also, sex was probably on the table, first other-body since my recent breakup. Big deal to me.
<alexgordon>
-perfectrhombus
<gq>
haha
<alexgordon>
-find rhombus
<purr>
alexgordon: Could not find `rhombus`.
<alexgordon>
purr: WHY NOT
<alexgordon>
the only answer that makes sense: alexgordon's penis does not exist
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
*recent*-ex's roommate, a piece of shit cokehead whom I nonetheless make the mistake of caring about sometimes, was having some sort of spectacularly bad day yesterday, apparently. so I invite him over.
<gq>
i know when a druggie is having a bad day, i definitely want them in my house.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
they both get *way* too drunk, party it up beyond what me or my other friend are doing, trash my new place to the level that assholes back in Wilmington used to trash my place,
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
some other shit went down,
<gq>
all i can picture is someone philip seymour hoffmaning it up in your bathroom
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
he somehow convinced her to take a bath with him.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
they spend the next hour in the bathroom having progressively-loud, progressively-less-caring-about-the-fact-that-I-can-hear-it, sex.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oh, he's got an STD, too. and she knows.
<gq>
this story is getting entirely too close to my dead girlfriend theory for my comfort
<gq>
ooh. well. that was spectactularly stupid of her.
<whitequark>
ouch
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: I think you need to stop people using drugs (incl alcohol) in your hous.
<yorick>
e
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
eventually, they both left me alone in my trashed, post-party apartment, and went back to *my other ex's place* (his home), and have been, literally, fucking ever since.
<gq>
literally? talk about your STD-infested chafing.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
kept the second ex up all night, she's livid at him (the roomate).
<gq>
anyway your friends both sound like shitheads.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
So.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
couple other big events happened at the same time; one of them resulted in Chelsea really, thoroughly being angry at me right now, to the point of hating me. She's certainly not talking to me.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I went into this weekend expecting to have a *second* close-friend, to finally talk through some of my issues, unhappiness, stress … I was really, really, really looking forward to it.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Instead, I now have zero close friends to talk to; and a *ton* more stressful shit I need a close friend **to talk to about**. Exactly the opposite of expected.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Oh and lol now the only sexual opportunity I had easy access to *definitely* has an STD that I don't want, so that's right out the window.
<purr>
lol
<yorick>
thanks purr
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
there was some suicide attempts, a potato, and a birthday cake in there too.
* yorick
hugs ELLIOTTCABLE
<gq>
hopefully not your suicide attempts, ELLIOTTCABLE
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
(not mine. suicide, that is.)
<gq>
well that's good at least.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yeah lol. I'm not *that* stressed, *yet*.
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: "the only sexual opportunity I had easy access to" I'm no feminist but that's no way to talk about a woman!
<gq>
alexgordon: ...lol
<yorick>
for once alexgordon is right
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
But this is definitely rivaling that New Years' Eve Party shit, for the worst-night-of-2014.
* gq
mails ELLIOTTCABLE a fleshlight
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
she's also an old, close friend. We're both very open.
<gq>
alexgordon: clearly the only solution here is for him to finally admit he's gay and get some man-ass
<alexgordon>
gq: he didn't already do that?
<gq>
alexgordon: i don't think so
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Sex *really* isn't a big deal to her, and wouldn't be for me, except that it's my first chance to get laid by somebody other than goddamn Chelsea. ddis
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: well tell her that it was really shitty of her to have sex in your bathtub
<alexgordon>
gq: pretty sure he did
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I did. I cussed them both out a bit.
<alexgordon>
gq: KEEP UP
<gq>
alexgordon: he goes back and forth between being like I'M SO FUCKING GAY and "no fuck you i have a girlfriend i'm straight"
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: also join us virgins, life is great :)
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
me? Nope, no men. I still find them spectacularly unattractive in most cases.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
It's really unfortunate. |=
<gq>
yorick: just curious how does one go back to being a virgin after having had sex?
<yorick>
gq: I dunno, but you could at least do the celibate way of life
<alexgordon>
lol celibate
<purr>
lol
<gq>
yorick: ah yes, the Church's Way of being Acceptably Gay
<whitequark>
gq: I heard you can do a surgery
<alexgordon>
whitequark: human centipede?
<whitequark>
like, before you marry someone
<gq>
whitequark: heh
<whitequark>
you restore your virginness for some cash
<gq>
god yes i've heard about that
<yorick>
whitequark: that only works on women
<gq>
it sounds awful
<gq>
i guess for dudes they could like
<gq>
make your dick somehow really sensitive
<gq>
so you cum immediately
<gq>
that's kind of like being a virgin again
<alexgordon>
gq: xD
<whitequark>
gq: fuck no
<yorick>
that is how the virgins do?
<whitequark>
that would be awesome
<alexgordon>
gq: I think it's called a foreskin
<gq>
sometimes. i was with a guy who just wasn't used to anything except masturbation
<gq>
so it took him a long time to cum just because the difference was throwing him off
<yorick>
hm, my feet smell has apparently wrapped around and does now smell like nachos
<whitequark>
was going to say that
<gq>
& he was a virgin when we started, i mean.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gq: pretty normal.
<gq>
yorick: lol ewww
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yorick: we call them “tacos” over here.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
-learn tacos = quick, before the tacos escape
<purr>
ELLIOTTCABLE: Learned `tacos`.
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: hard shell tacos are really an invention of satan himself
<whitequark>
hard shell tacos sound like a creature
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: like they break apart *and* get stuck in your gums
<whitequark>
like
<gq>
yorick: fuck off hard shell tacos are awesome
<whitequark>
Tacosia hardshellii
<yorick>
gq: but you take one bite and they just disintegrate
<whitequark>
of the order Fastfoodidae
<gq>
yorick: which i enjoy. it's a challenge
<gq>
yorick: Hard Taco Challenge Level 10: a hard shell filled with nothing but liquid nacho cheese
<joelteon>
that is horrifying
<whitequark>
gq: stick a straw into it
<gq>
at the end most people end up looking like they were part of a nacho cheese bukkake
<yorick>
gq: also the pieces are very sharp and like to attach themselves into your mouth like evil needles
<gq>
it's awesome
<gq>
yorick: i have the same problem with nachos
<whitequark>
gq: "at the end most people end up looking like they were part of a nacho cheese bukkake" wat.
<purr>
beep.
<gq>
whitequark: basically the taco shell breaks and the cheese gets all over your face.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
hard-shell tacos are the best
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
soft-shell tacos are just unrolled burritos; and burritos are dumb.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
if you want to talk about gums,
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
god damned fucking POPCORN.
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah, tortillas are better
<whitequark>
gq: yes I understand
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
what psychotic masochists actually eat that shit by choice
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: I always eat the parts that didn't pop for fun
<yorick>
you can chew on them too
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gq:
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
thank
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
you
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
for
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
that
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
image
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
everything is a solid 12% better
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: fuck popcorn. i hate it i hate it so much also you're welcome
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: have you done the everything thing
<gq>
the best is when you eat popcorn and then, some amount of time later, go to the dentist
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
BECAUSE I COULD NOT STOMACHE THAT VIDEO
<gq>
and they pry a piece out of your gums and are like oh, you had popcorn last night?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
BECAUSE ZE FRANK IS A GODDAMN RETARD
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: I LINKED YOU A VIDEO AND EVERYTHING
<gq>
and you're like LAST NIGHT. RIGHT. TOTALLY.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gq: LOL
<purr>
<whitequark> why are all countries gay dudes
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gq: … have been for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: I'm working on an irccloud replacement
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: cool, welcome to the club
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
why the fuck would you do that
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
irccloud is great
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: does it have a smartphone app that is about as good as <insert good chat app here>?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yes?
<gq>
using irc on my smartphone, with ANY app, sounds like a level of hell
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I like irccloud's smartphone app.
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: well it starts at 0:40
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I'm shaking uncontrollably |=
<yorick>
does it have a good desktop app? can you host it yourself?
* gq
throws a blanket around ELLIOTTCABLE
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
why would anyone want to host anything themselves
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
YAY LET'S *ALL* PRETEND WE ACTUALLY LIKE BEING OUR OWN SYSADMINS <3
<yorick>
I have this server making noise anyways
<yorick>
also because money
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
What's that? You're going **out** for St. Paddy's Day? Hahaha, silly human being, *real* men have permissions problems to debug!
<yorick>
exactly!
<whitequark>
ELLIOTTCABLE: why? because I'm fucking tired of $COMPANYNAME being bought out by Google and shutting $SERVICENAME down
<alexgordon>
people celebrate st patrick's day?
<whitequark>
if I can't host something myself
<whitequark>
it can go
<whitequark>
and fuck itself.
<gq>
alexgordon: i think most people just use it as an excuse to drink
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Oh, you expected that instant message that you installed an app to send to me because nobody uses that shit anymore to get through to me? THAT'S SILLY, HUMAN BEING FRIEND! Always send it twice, because there's a solid 25% chance that my federating IM server will have shat itself in the face!
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
(Because my server is Powered by Portals!)
<whitequark>
Dropbox, irccloud, *cloud (in fact), that other messaging thingy which just shut down all external services a few days ago...
<whitequark>
whatever
* yorick
is feeling slightly jealous of ELLIOTTCABLE because he has people on irc talking to him and his own irc channel with lots of people and lots of sex sometimes and friends sometimes and money
<whitequark>
I won't even wish for that hipster shit to die, because it's going to die on its own in a few years anyway
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yorick: that's an appropriate response to my life.
<whitequark>
"hey I made a total email replacement" PUT IT IN YOUR ASS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
my life is *spectacular*.
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: WELL STOP BEING SAD THEN
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
unfortunately, that doesn't matter a teensy tiny bit, because Grass gReener Other Side Syndrom.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Or, GROSS.
<yorick>
whitequark: gitlab is a half-decent github replacement
<whitequark>
yorick: github is a happy exception actually
<alexgordon>
why do americans have such an erection for ireland?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
hipster shit. lol.
<purr>
lol
<whitequark>
because for companies it's 100% OK to use some external service, and for not-companies the migration path takes like 10 minutes
<whitequark>
ELLIOTTCABLE: I can't even count the times someone told me "use this cool new tech 100% controlled by one startup" and in less than a year this cool new tech is dead and/or unusable
* ELLIOTTCABLE
shrugs
<purr>
¯\(º_o)/¯
<whitequark>
yeah, fuck everything about startups too
<whitequark>
and Valley
* ELLIOTTCABLE
pats whitequark
<yorick>
whitequark: if I make a startup but my server is open source under a noncommercial license is that okay?
<whitequark>
yorick: "it depends"
<yorick>
whitequark: ON WHAT?!
<whitequark>
for example Telegram, Durov's Whatsapp clone
<whitequark>
for whoever the fuck knows what reason those clowns decided to roll their own crypto
<whitequark>
and protocol
<whitequark>
why the fuck could they not just use jabber is fucking beyond me
<yorick>
whitequark: well, *I'm* doing that :P
<whitequark>
well no, actually it's not beyond me
<whitequark>
I've seen the opensourced code for vk.com (facebook clone)
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I don't have anything to eat, except Oreos, and aforementioned birthday cake with a raw potato in it. /=
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I don't *want* to order delivery! *whines*
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
alexgordon: wat
<yorick>
whitequark: but it's technically superior!
<joelteon>
it's not delivery, it's digiorno
<whitequark>
ELLIOTTCABLE: get your lazy ass to a supermarket
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
alexgordon: that's happened twice. Shit just gets in the way.
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: lol suuuure
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
It's … *logistically difficult* to have a threesome.
<gq>
why does your goddamn birthday cake have potato in it, ELLIOTTCABLE? christ
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
depends on your definition of hot, I guess, but srsly.
<whitequark>
it's logistically difficult enough to have a twosome, damnit
<gq>
IT'S LOGISTICALLY DIFFICULT TO FUCK WHILE HANGING FROM THE GODDAMN CEILING
<whitequark>
honestly it is sometimes logistically difficult to masturbate
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gq: Gods, long story. There was a potato, it got throw into the cake.
<alexgordon>
"oh I have attractive chicks who want to fuck my brains out in a threesomes ALL THE TIME, but I just can't find space in my calendar, you know?"
<gq>
alexgordon: CAN I GET AN AMEN?!
<alexgordon>
gq: AMEN!
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
actual sex is *not* logistically difficult
<joelteon>
"it got throw into the cake"
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I mean, drunk people can do it.
<joelteon>
nice grammar there
<gq>
alexgordon: THANK YOU!
<joelteon>
and they call you ELLIOTTCABLE
<gq>
i just can't get over that
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
alexgordon: twice ≠ all the time; and I just happen to have a lot of sexually exploratory women in my life, I guess.
<whitequark>
ELLIOTTCABLE: that's not logistic difficulty, that's procedural one
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
actually, on that note,
<gq>
did you like tie your fucking feet to the ceiling fan? christ
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I'm genuinely surprised gq is apparently extremely vanilla nowadays
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: what is so logistically difficult about having sex?
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: dude i've had penetrative sex with one person
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: o_o
<gq>
when i was NOT vanilla?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
one person ≠≠≠≠≠≠≠≠ vanilla
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
holy gods
<gq>
it's not even so much vanilla as just like...inexperienced
<whitequark>
alexgordon: actually meeting the other person in a suitable environment
<alexgordon>
whitequark: like a bedroom?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
number of partners is linearly related to *sluttiness*, not *exploratoriness*.
<whitequark>
alexgordon: like that
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Plenty of monogamous couples are *batshit* in the bedroom.
<gq>
well...we're not monogamous
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Actually, that's the way I personally prefer it. Right now, is the first time in my entire life, that I've actually *wanted* to fuck around and/or have multiple partners.
<joelteon>
slut shaming?
<joelteon>
wow
<joelteon>
classy
<alexgordon>
whitequark: ELLIOTTCABLE says he has offers for threesomes slapping themselves in his face all the time, but he just can't find time for it
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
joelteon: huh?
<alexgordon>
it's just not believable
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
alexgordon: oh my god I did not say that
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I will slap *you* in the face!
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
face! slap! watch me!
<gq>
lol
<purr>
lol
* alexgordon
hides his face
<whitequark>
ugh
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: what did you mean then?
<whitequark>
fuck this shit, I'm going to fuck with industrial processes rather
<gq>
i probably just really need to put some effort into finding a lady who wants to fuck
<alexgordon>
whitequark: good choice
<whitequark>
at least they don't try to talk to you about sex
<gq>
i am so utterly tired of having this whole side of my sexuality relatively unexplored
<whitequark>
argg
<whitequark>
gg
<whitequark>
argv
<whitequark>
argc
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
basically, the situation I've had *twice*, is that I've simultaneously had two girls around, explicitly wanting *me*, explicitly wanting to find a threesome *with me*, … but they both hated *eachother.*
<gq>
haha that sounds hilarious
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: ah, well there's that too
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Like I said, logistically difficult.
<gq>
i just figure you guys like starting the threesome
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: couldn't you play off that?
<gq>
and they keep breaking it off to scream and slap
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: angry sex is best sex
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
It's a threesome: instead of just needing to make *two* sexual connections instead of *one*, it's actually exponential … you need to make *three* sexual connections.
<alexgordon>
yah
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
see, in the real world, that's totally possible … but instead of, like, arousing girlfight situation, it'd just be sexual-arousal-ruining bitchy snarking.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Snark is the *last* thing you want in a threesome.
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: well like I said, you will always have to compromise on quality in a threesome just to set the damn thing up
<alexgordon>
not that I'm speaking from experience or anything
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
mmmm
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
not convinced
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Honestly? In my experience, the *more* attractive someone is, the *more* exploratory and shit they are.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I'm not sure there's an actual causal linkage there; maybe it's just a complete coincidence among the corpus of my experience.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oh
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
gq
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah but exploratoriness does not always imply "open to threesomes"
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
lol.
<purr>
lol
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: ?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
alexgordon: agreed, of course. But I'd say the exact same trend applies to jealousy, too.
<gq>
in my mind that's explained because the more attractive someone is, the less rejection they have to deal with
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and since I'm bi, the *major* barrier is gone:
<gq>
so of course they're going to open up and be more interested
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: SO YOU ARE GAY
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
YES WE KNOW THIS alexgordon
<alexgordon>
gq: see
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
everything is so surprising to you
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: no you said before... gq was denying it earlier
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
my sister, my exes, my children, my alcohol, my potatos …
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
bi, not gay.
<alexgordon>
oh shit you have a sister
<alexgordon>
I forgot
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: well nobody doubts that you like girls...
<gq>
okay but your sister was surprising to everyone
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
so, there's a whole 'nother story there
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
(I must have tweeted something about it, hence gq's random decision to announce it to the channel? I don't remember)
<yorick>
whitequark: how do I monetize things that other people can host? ads?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
she was in Mexico for the last year or so, ish;
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I get a call from my dad.
<yorick>
ELLIOTTCABLE: your sister has the silly drawn on eyebrow things?
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: yeah, she like made every apple system in your house make a voice announcement at midnight or something
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
He basically goes: Your sis just got kicked out of Mexico. She got seventeen hours notice, and is going to be on a plane to Chicago tomorrow.
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: kicked out of mexico?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Can you take her in tomorrow night, and then get her on a plane to Montana the next morning?
<gq>
...how does one get KICKED OUT OF MEXICO?
<gq>
she's your sister alright
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: how the FUCK does someone get kicked out of mexico?
<gq>
jesus christ
<alexgordon>
gq ++
<purr>
Let it be known that alexgordon loves gq.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
idk I assumed she fucked the president
<alexgordon>
purr: yes but only platonically
<joelteon>
she platonically fucked the president
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
but the details are süper skëtch
<whitequark>
yorick: good question
<gq>
well yeah it's not like she wants to marry him
<whitequark>
premium features?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and I don't have them, so, sorry, this is one story that probably won't get elaborated on
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
unless something comes out in the news *shrug*
<purr>
¯\(º_o)/¯
<whitequark>
hosted service?
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: no. make your sister come to irc and tell us stories
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: you're like the drunken master of making people be on irc.
<gq>
besides the story isn't that mexico, kicked out of, so much as it's HOW DO YOU HAVE A SISTER
<alexgordon>
elliott's sister got kicked out of the land of murderous gangs, prostitution and illegal drugs for being TOO NAUGHTY
<gq>
LIKE....WHERE HAS SHE BEEN?
<gq>
alexgordon: for real
<gq>
have you just not talked about her ever? is she like a shadow in the background of your crazy elliott life only not at all b/c she does her own crazy shit (KICKEDOUTOFMEXICO)
<alexgordon>
isn't mexico where all the US criminals on the run go?
<alexgordon>
like, they don't get kicked out do they?
<gq>
*shrug*
<purr>
¯\(º_o)/¯
<alexgordon>
gq: yeah elliott's sister is actually crazier than elliott is, that's why he never talks about her
<yorick>
whitequark: hosted service is my main idea, yeah, but premium features? hmm, like easy image sharing/pasting, maybe
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
fucking Leverage. Is such. A good. Show.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oh speaking of crazier than I am
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
my mother called my ex yesterday.
<gq>
lol your mother...
<purr>
lol
<alexgordon>
oh your mother
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
*In the middle* of us having a breakdown. Like, otherwise not talking.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
She texts me, as a response to this huge wall-of-text of mine,
<alexgordon>
am I the only one who has normal family relationships?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
“Your mother just called.”
<gq>
alexgordon: that would make sense. ELLIOTTCABLE always describes his own stories as 'too crazy to explain fully' now imagine something a step up from that and there she is
<yorick>
I would fuck the president of mexico if I looked like your sister I guess
<gq>
alexgordon: yes
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
context: that has *never* happened before. She's managed to only stalk **me**, for the most part.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
yorick: wat
<alexgordon>
gq: I so want to meet elliott's mini-me
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
apparently the president of mexico is super hot and single or something
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
like, older-guy hot, not like young-guy hot
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
presumably everybody saw that idiot-singer's Facebook post about having a MH370 theory?
<gq>
okay he didn't say fuck off, but he said it IN SPIRIT
<alexgordon>
fuck bieber, tell us about your childhood elliott
<gq>
huh. yeah he is kind of hot
<gq>
alexgordon: oh god don't go down that rabbit hole
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
“Shall I twitter that?” “Yes, twitter it, twitter it!”
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I built robots and watch pooh bear.
<gq>
alice in wonderland wishes she had the fucked up elliott cable wonderland
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: OMG ME TOO
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and once, a girl broke my heart.
* ELLIOTTCABLE
shrugs
<purr>
¯\(º_o)/¯
<gq>
also your mom is a literal fucking psycopath
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
lots of legos
<alexgordon>
gq: so elliott's mother actually exists?
<gq>
alexgordon: oh yes.
<alexgordon>
I always imagine elliott's mom as this jewish mother type
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
jewish mother, wat
<gq>
alexgordon: think like every evil stepmom from disney ever only she's his actual mom.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
all of that, plus just plain senile.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
or at least, getting there. |=
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: "A Stock Character that makes frequent appearances in Jewish comedy, the stereotypical Jewish Mother is overbearing, emotionally manipulative, and persists on interfering in her children's lives long after they've become adults."
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
doesn't even have the common decency to *remember* that she was already an evil bitch to you, today
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
so she goes and does it again for good measure
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
oh, lolno
<purr>
lolno
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Leverage? TV show? Anybody?
<gq>
nope
<gq>
i mean i'm not like...hating it or opposed to it or anything
<gq>
i just....don't watch.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
dunno wat do
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
so very bored
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
mildly hungry
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
extremely lonely
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
Minecraft or some shit, my Internet pseudo-friends?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
#shittydaybandaid
<gq>
ELLIOTTCABLE: sure! is the server up?
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
not the slightest clue
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
let's go see if those overdue bill e-mails have actually led to any action
<gq>
haha
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
I always think of the new Tron, when I see television-hacking
<alexgordon>
ELLIOTTCABLE: make mashed potato. insert cock into mashed potato
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
a SUPER SCI-FI, *SUPER* FUTURISTIC movie
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
they didn't even *have* to make the hacking look real or remotely sane
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and they did. just because they could.
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
and then there's current-day-setting shows and movies that make *such* a botch of it that I want to cry.
<gq>
the one csi-esque show that had the two techs typing on one keyboard
<ELLIOTTCABLE>
You go, Kosinski. You go.
<gq>
nope, cuddlecraft ain't up
<gq>
unless you changed the server address /again/.
<gq>
or maybe i need to update minecraft or something
yorick has quit [Remote host closed the connection]
<whitequark>
lol what the fuck
<purr>
lol
<whitequark>
this CuSO4×5H2O is supposed to be "clean"
<whitequark>
and there's fucking pieces of styrofoam inside
<whitequark>
the can fucking promises you shit, like, "good, uniform layer of whatever crap is inside"
<whitequark>
or "easy fucking application"
<whitequark>
or "good conductity"
<devyn>
I'm on hold with GoDaddy support
<whitequark>
FUCK NO, nothing of that bullshit ever comes true
<devyn>
it's the most fucking annoying shit
<devyn>
15 seconds of music followed by annoying girl with some kind of message
<devyn>
in a loop
<whitequark>
what you get is fucking blots of some fucked-up shit which are thick where they need to be thin, thin where they need to be thick, and fucked up overal
<whitequark>
*overall
<whitequark>
how the fuck is that supposed to be uniform fucking layer I have no fucking idea
<whitequark>
then you have to dry that crap, and it damned well makes sure to not dry uniformly and to go up all in some fucking cracks
<devyn>
3 minute wait time … we shall see about that
<whitequark>
like a fucking saltmarsh
<whitequark>
aaaarrrrgggghhhh
<whitequark>
fuck this shit.
<whitequark>
I'll just go masturbate at some boobs, it's more productive than trying to get this motherfucking aerosol just right
<devyn>
hahaha
<whitequark>
DO I SOUND PISSED OFF ENOUGH YET
<whitequark>
Y/Y?
<devyn>
Y
<whitequark>
FUCK OFF
<devyn>
lol
<purr>
lol
* whitequark
giggles
<whitequark>
but seriously, proper aerosol application seems to require some kind of black magic I have no idea about.
<devyn>
huh, GoDaddy support was not that bad actually
* devyn
is surprised
<joelteon>
go godaddy!
<whitequark>
well if they did literally nothing right, they *would* go broke quickly
<whitequark>
unfortunately they did at least one thing right
<devyn>
well their system is fucked, it was telling me that the Zone File couldn't be edited by their DNS Manager and I looked it up and it said it's probably because they aren't using GoDaddy nameservers
<devyn>
but they are
<devyn>
so... according to phone support, it's actually because lowly "account admins" don't have permission to edit the zone file
<devyn>
it has to be the toplevel account
<devyn>
wtf
<joelteon>
yeah godaddy's permissions are all kinds of fucked